ambition

“And so while others miserably pledge themselves to the insatiable pursuit of ambition and brief power, I will be stretched out in the shade singing” Fray Luis De Leon

ambition?  i lack it.  that is to say, i lack it in forms that are easily recognizable to people who are not me.  not only am i not currently researching graduate programs, i have no plans to do so in the near (or far) future.  despite being a college graduate, i am not elbowing my way to the top of any corporate ladder.  though i would not be opposed to the idea of it happening naturally, i am not hungrily searching for someone to settle down and start a family with.  so, i imagine that they wonder, what AM i doing?

i AM working in a job that is full of distinct challenges and frustrations, but that it allows me to feel both competent and needed.  it also comes with a fair share of unique perks (paid holidays!  life-long chamber singers membership!  amusing student quotes!).

i AM involved with and committed to Shekinah.  though my involvement with this group did at one point become less than healthy, taking a step back and deciding to take a year off was a huge personal gain for me.  i was able to expand my harrisonburg niche to involvements that reached beyond that group, so that once i returned i knew how to be committed in a more reasonable way.  shekinah is now a part of my life again, but it is only one part.  and now that my role is more specific, i am able to focus more completely on the aspects of shekinah that i truly enjoy.  finding and introducing new music to the group continues to energize me, and the joy i feel when a song that once caught my ear as a ‘possibility’ comes to fruition in a successful and well-received performance is immense.

i AM pursuing and cultivating important and life-giving friendships.  it is evident to me that, although i need and allow myself to have ample alone time, my energy and enthusiasm for daily living is absolutely buoyed by these interactions.  it has been made abundantly clear to me in this past year that age is really not a factor when it comes to the way i relate to people, and i have been absolutely blessed by people twice my age and people who i may always think of fondly as ‘freshmen’, despite the fact that they no longer are.  others may not understand these relationships, and that was initially an issue for me, but i am relieved to have gotten to the point where i don’t care.  i love who i love…and i love them mucho.

i AM actively committed to a church that appeared for me at a time when i most needed it to, and intend to continue pursuing my calling within that congregation as it grows and changes.

i AM doing many things.  maybe my ambitions are not immediately evident, and maybe they don’t have results that can be easily measured, but i am content in the knowledge that they are there, providing my days with purpose and focus and beauty and challenge and life.

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~ by derstk on August 27, 2008.